Nest Feathers and Twine - Formally Artist's Block Studio

The things that make a house a home and the stuff that holds is all together.

Years ago I started this blog with a mindset and goals that I have found have changed direction over time. I am excited to say that this blog has a new name.....Nest Feathers and Twine. I hope you come by and visit often. Feel free to get comfortable and kick off your shoes and join me on this journey of metamorphosis.

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

Why? What is the reason........

Last week I had a root canal, I was put on anti-biotics and a steroid. As usual, I became sick as a dog from the medicine. I really hate taking medicine if I don't have to, but I had to take this stuff. Sometime Sunday night, probably as I slept my vision changed drastically. I woke up Monday shocked at the huge change in my eyesight. My world and its landscape totally altered.
I usually sit outside and gaze at the stars when I have had a rough day. There is something peaceful about looking up at the sky. Last night it became the thing that caused my stress. My night vision, I found has been horribly reduced, and the stars looked nothing like the stars I usually turn to for comfort. I went back into the house horrified, my mind racing with the what ifs...............I walked into my studio for some comfort, only to find nothing looks the same when you can't see,(yes, I know how goofy that just sounded), I typed up my son's paper for him, yeah I know bad mommy, but I kept thinking is this one of the last times I will be able to do something like this for the kids. I went to clean up the kitchen and I could not see the floor enough to see where it needed to be swept. I was going to check the time on the microwave, and could not read the numbers. The pharmacist said call the doctor, this was not a listed side effect, my doctor, who to me seems to over react to everything, said just to give it a couple of days????????????????? I was expecting to hear her say get in here now! We need to do brain surgery.... or something exteme......
At first, I thought, okay, everything is going to be fine because the only ones panicing are me and my hubby. Last night I decided forget this, my world is visual, ALL visual. What would I do without my eyesight? A friend or two said, no biggie, so you will have to wear glasses. Well, yeah, glasses are no big deal, but not knowing what really caused this, is it going to get worse, is it going to get better, is this related to another weird eye problem I had happen 11 years ago, was it one of the medicines, was it something to do with the root canal? I don't want to wait to go to the doctor and end up hearing.....well, we could have fixed/prevented this had you come in a couple of days sooner. I don't have an eye doctor, so I went surfing on the internet under our covered providers. The first one I called had a technician who did not understand how I could know my vision had gotten worse without an exam. DUH lady, I nicely explained several times I went to bed able to see the menu on my tv screen and woke up and could not hardly see the tv........could she tell I was blonde over the phone (ha!) I ended up hanging up on her, politely. If she could not understand the problem, she was not going to be able to help me get it fixed. She would not see I had a drastic change in my vision, just that I need glasses. I called another doctors office, things went very smooth, and my appointment is in a couple of hours. Since this call went smooth, I am now sitting here wondering, ok is this going to be a nice guy, or a jerk like the guy I went to with a serious problem 11 years ago, is this guy going to be a hunch backed, one-eyed warty, bald, smelly, limping green ogre type creature that breathes all raspy through his ear which is half way down his neck? Is he going to be like that character that Tim Conway would play on Carol Burnett, you know the ancient guy that shuffled, did he get his degree out of a box of Post Toasties? Oh, I hate picking and not knowing. I have found myself asking God what is the meaning of this? A couple of years ago when I had the DVT and the PE and literally saw my life pass in front of my eyes, I had a week in the hospital to figure out I needed to make some changes in my life. I needed to reprioritze a few things in my life. Am I needing a kick in the butt because I am not doing this well enough, quick there some other life lesson I need to learn.........
My friend asked me last night what she could do for me, and I almost felt guilty asking her just pray for me. All of these things I get on email say that God has a reason for everything, and there is a reason that we are where we are in life. I just wish I knew the end of this story, the reason. Why am I experiencing this now, what is the purpose. I thought a few weeks ago I discovered a part of my purpose in life through something a friend had said to me, and I was happy, but if I lose my vision, then I can not continue to do what it is I thought I was meant to do. I am confused, very confused......but mostly very, very, scared.

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"Never give up, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn."

Harriet Beecher Stowe

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