date night with the hubs

just what this over-stressed mom needed. 

we missed hobby lobby, darn them for closing so early....but we hit michaels and then target, which was in the same shopping strip.  as i told a friend on facebook - we wandered target as though we were on a tour of all of the worlds wonders that  were gathered under one roof .  it is amazing how enjoyable it was without 3 teens in tow.   

afterwards we went to our favorite coffee house and shared cheesecake slices and coffees.

we finished whole sentences uninterrupted. 

the ride home was savored in complete silence, holding hands.


my knight in shiny armour saved his damsel in dis-STRESS. 

this is just what i needed, kind of like a ray of sunshine breaking through the grey skies.

calgon, take me away....puhlease

did you ever have one of those days when you wish you could go back to bed and start the day over again.

today has been one of those days.  the only problem is it started when i was in bed.

my sweet, sweet boy sam went to bed last night sure that the weather guy had it all wrong and that we would end up with the mountains of snow predicted for southern missouri.  i sent him to bed and told him 'start praying now because it does not look like you will have a snow day according to the radar'.

this morning, no snow.  the weather guy was not 'lying' and sam scared the holy bejeezers out of me by laying on his dad's side of the bed and staring at me until i woke up.  he had a sore throat.  he wanted to stay home.  i believe he has a sore throat, he sounds hoarse i thought, but no fever = school.  as the kids get older i am a little tougher on them when it comes to staying home. 

sam went a got a flashlight so i could look down his throat.  i told him his throat was red, but that i also saw something else, a note on the back of his throat that said sam still has to go to school today....(i was trying to inject some humor into the conversation to lighten the mood that was becoming tense, bad, bad, bad idea)


about this time i roll over onto my bad ear, which means i can hear much better with the broken but good ear and i hear 'whap whap  whap whap whap' which causes me to ask the hubs what the noise was....chuckling he answers bert is in the cabinet. 

i reply back 'is he mauling the last roll of toilet paper in there?'

chuckling still the hubs replies 'yeah' ha ha ha ha

i reply back irked  ' which means i will walk in to a mess to clean up when i have to go to the bathroom.....do you know how many times i have told you guys to make sure the cabinet door is shut......heavy, heavy sighhhhhh'

ok...i will pick it up he tells me, hmmmm no chuckle in the voice any more...

now we go for round 2...or is it 3 with sam and his sore throat

sam, remember i said he is my sweet, sweet boy, became very cranky.

the mom radar was activated and my gut tells me maybe something is up.  maybe he was counting on not going to school for a reason, and now he is stuck going.

i ask him, ' so what homework did you not complete betting that you would not have school'

'none mom, we had a half day yesterday, we don't get homework on half days'

hmmmm, so maybe there is a problem with the girl friend, even though they seemed to be happily texting each other at 10:30 last night.

so while i am really wanting to roll over and go back to sleep he keeps pushing to stay home and the more he pushes the more my radar goes off.

in a last ditch attempt to get me to change my mind he states 'if you won't do it for me mom, at least think of all of those other kids that are going to get sick because you made me go to school '

to which i replied:  ' as long as you don't go licking all of the desks, i think the other students will be just fine, and by the way i am sure you got this from a kid at school who had a sore throat and no fever whose mean mom made them go to school too'

sam got to school and texted his dad at work....his stomach is hurting bad and he has really bad di-der-reeda...it is how the boys pronounced it as toddlers and the term has just stuck and like with most terminology the slang does not usually sound as gross as the medical term....dad usually does not know any better, aha but dad called me before he contacted sam to tell him he would pick him up from school.  i texted sam telling him he had to stay at school.  the mom radar is going off pretty loudly now.

sam called me from the nurses office a couple of hours ago to tell me he did not feel good, still no fever though, so i told him to stick it out till the end of the day.  

sam texted dad again, dad called me, i texted sam.

my gut tells me it is more than a sore throat that is bothering him.  but,  now the mom guilt is setting in and i am questioning my decision.  all i keep thinking is what if he gets home this afternoon with the plague of a thousand gooey blisters all over, then he gets to do an 'i told you so' and i get to feel like a jerk.

i found myself standing in the kitchen lost in thought and spied the people treat jar.

there are 3 treat jars on the antique hoosier cabinet.  the people one, dog one, and the cats.

there were 2 fortune cookies left.  maybe the one i pick will tell me something wonderful.

 i guess we will see what the rest of the day brings.

this better not be referring to the assorted change (which is pennies when i do the laundry and dollar bills when steph does the laundry), rocks, fuzzies, and unidentifiable items that come out of the dryer daily, the occasional hair ball that squishes between your toes when sleepily wandering through the house, or that wad of stuff that stops up the vacuum cleaner hose, and worse the 'holy crap what is that' found in the boys room at least once a week along with 20 pair of dirty smelly socks.

i find those treasures enough thank you.

i have faith it will be wonderful, really i do........i think.

update:  sam came home from school and guess who is apologetic and feeling much, much better.  score another for the mom radar.  he won't fess up though as to why he wanted to stay home though.

but, bottom line is i am sooo very grateful he did not come home with the plague of a thousand gooey blisters or whatever the latest and greatest grossness that is being

passed around school like a gossip-y text message.

(remember the olden days when we had to use pencil and paper to do that)

 

our backyard dinner guest is back

sitting in a tree in our backyard waiting for dinner to show up

he must be camera shy, it took about 30 shots to get one of him looking at the camera.

i am heading back to the studio.  :)

all work and no play makes this arty girl nutty

cleaning my studio and not stopping to make some art is like putting a kid with a serious sweet tooth in the middle of a candy store and telling them not to touch.

what does an arty girl do with some chain, glass pearls, wire, and a mini salt and pepper shaker?

i played with altering a photo a bit on the computer then sanding it after i printed it off

i love it when i get bursts of inspiration. 






later this evening i came across these i painted a couple of months ago that are still awaiting a day with just enough warmth and not too much humidity
so that i can clear them

100 year old book of knowledge book cover, vintage photographs and some acrylic paints to paint flowers and leaves and wah-la. 

the jewelry will be going up for sale on our accessory 2 fashion etsy shop and the pictures will be for sale on our nest feathers and twine etsy shop. 

steph has been busy stitching up some goodies today as well. 

can't wait to see what tomorrow brings.

i have faith it will be wonderful.

it's a sign

i have succumb to the winter crazies. i found myself nose pressed up against the cold glass screeching 'cool, look at how big those snow flakes are, wow'. i H A T E winter. i only really, really like snow 1 time each season. we have already had our 1 snow this season. only seeing grey skies for 2 weeks, with the 2 or 3 quick moments of sunshine has made me love the sight of something of any other color, even if it is grey's close cousin, white. for those poor souls in places like uh, l.a., australia, a desert who are missing the raining down of frosted flakes this video is for you.



oh, the crash you hear at the end of this clip is steph running into a large cabinet that has been in its same location for years. it's a gene thing that runs on my side of the family.

getting closer to making art

the cobwebs are slowly being cleared in the studio, and i am aching to hop back down there and do some more moving around of the stuff i must have to be an arty girl, but, tonight i am going to bed before the sun comes up.  i am a creature of the night, and always will be.   forcing myself to live among day dwellers is a challenge, especially since my daughter, too,  is the same way. 

tomorrow the housework gets thrown out the window and i am spending as much time as i can surrounded by all things arty and inspiring with my supply of elbow grease and a rag to rub it in with to make it all shiny and clean....and organized once again. 

the good news/bad news is the vw bug car sized fly that was terrorizing me last week did not buzz by me today....oh, but where will i find his flightless corpse?????  there are spiders running around down in my studio and everytime i see one zip by my toes i have to force myself  to take a breathe and let him go on by since they all seem to be the 'good' kind that eat all the wee little nasty bug-a-boos that are suppose to creep and crawl in basements as well.  they must be doing a good job because all i see are some really large spiders, no wee little bug-a-boos. 

today the hubby put in a12 - 13 hour day and came home with another hole in his finger. thankfully his newest accidental body piercing is not one as large as the one that sent him to the company doctor during the summer.

he wants me to frame the nail.   it will become just like the infamous levi blue jean story that the kids and i know forward and backward....holy cheeze-its help us all!

i have lost count on how many holes he has put in himself.  i am an expert splinter-taker-outer now as well since he has moved to the shipping and receiving department.  
i think i have managed to stall all i can before packing it in and hitting the pillows.  i am off to bed even though i am not a sleepy-head. 

here is a little summer time cuteness from this summer when we did not have a computer to end this bedtime story. 

a tiny little prince looking for his true loves kiss.

printers, pictures, kitty, and xanax, oh my!

hate xanax.  while test driving it the other night the 1st did nothing...maybe i just did not notice anything because i was already relaxed.  took a 2nd 7 hours later.  wow.  i crashed and burned and was passed out.  i woke up feeling exhausted the next morning and could not shake it all day.  last night i could not wait to get to bed and again passed out, xanax-less this time.  i had the most bizarre dreams.  w e i r d.  the one i remember the most details about was something like this:

i am me, but a police officer

i pull up along side an outer road on the highway to meet up with other

officers to search for a missing boy

pretty normal so far

i find the boy

a man dressed as an officer grabs me and the boy

takes me back to my patrol car with the boy

makes me and the boy sit in back

he sits in passenger front seat

mystery driver in front

intense but not too bad

next thing i know i am tearing into a  box of frozen  fried chicken

that the imposter's head is encased in?????

then i woke up

what was scary was this dream seemed like one of my pre-cog dreams.  i have them often, you can ask the hubs just how real these things turn out to be.  when we first started dating he wondered if i was as nutty as a bowl of frosted flakes when i told him about these dreams.  he soon learned i was not so flakey....well.....at least when it comes to the dreams.

so after back to back to back strange dreams i found i was very relieved when it was time to wake up. 

we seem to be passing some stomach bug around the house.  the boys have had it for several days, now steph and i seem to be getting a touch of it.  the good news is it just seems to make you feel like yak-ing, but you don't actually yak.

i made some changes to my blog and the photos on it, and i found a nature track with chirping birds and babbling brooks to play while visitors come to see what is new here on my blog.  ahhhhh, so peaceful, and spring-y.

steph and i are busy getting ready to supply our etsy shops due to open february 1st.  we are trying out new ideas and creating patterns.  it is very exciting and nerve racking at the same time. 

the nest feathers and twine shop at etsy will be stocked with things that make a house a home, and one of these things will be photography.  last night we bought a kodak printer and this evening we have been playing with it!  i love the quality of the prints.   i even made up large business cards......

lots of pretties printed off!

while bill and i set up the new printer, burt busied himself with box. 

he is just like a kid, he would rather play with a box than the toy that came in it. 

this box has kept burt entertained for hours.

so this arty girl has had a blast tonight and after i promised myself and the hubs that i would be to bed early i find myself still wide awake playing. 

even the puppies are baking like the little meatloafs they are in front of their space heater sound asleep.

so off to bed with me i suppose and hoping a night filled with normal dreams.

and yes, as i proof read what i had just typed i realized i had misspelled bert's name throughout this whole thing.  thank goodness the cat can't read...

home from the hospital......gee this sounds familiar doesn't it?

these feeties of mine are now firmly planted once again on the terra firma at the farmer family estate

yesterday started out as a typical day here, with the boys off to school  i turned our little space heater on in the bedroom then curled back up under the covers to finish the rest of my 8 hours that had now 3 times been disturbed.  later in the day with housework done and birds fed and their cages changed i announced to my daughter i was off for the shower and then we had alot of work to do to get ready to open our etsy shops by february first.

shower time is usually my time to meditate, relax, and remind myself to breathe.  feeling a little frazzled and overwhelmed i decided to change things up a bit and i turned the radio on full blast. 

once in the shower i danced and shampoo-ed to the music and within minutes realized i was shaking violently and not to the beat.  ugh....i knew what this meant, and quickly checked my pulse to find i was having one of the icky kind of svt attacks. 

10 years ago out of the blue i began having heart palpitations and svt attacks.  we have no idea why or what caused it.  i was told by an e.r. doc this just seems to happen to women your age and we don't know why.     my first thought was ' i bet if  affected multi million dollar athletes at the same rate is does women y'all would know why.'   the doctor was an arrogant jerk who seemed more concerned with the fact that the e.r. nurse had to wake him up to give me this news rather than some petrified housewife that was scared to death she was dying. 

so, through the years i have discovered that i seem to have 2 kinds of svt attacks.  the plain old ones that, well, for lack of a better word at the moment just plain ol' suck!  and the icky ones i hate because they tend to put me down for the rest of the day.  the icky ones make me shake violently, and i have to come to discover that these are the ones caused from adrenaline being released to induce the flight or fight mode.  once i get through this part i feel worn out as though i have run a short marathon.  a bit later i get the worst case of chills.  not flu like chills.  these chills make me spasm and shake and usually i end up sore all over.  it does not matter if it is a hundred degrees i feel like i am freezing in the oddest way.  these chills are so much different from ordinary chills and yet i am not even able to describe them.  once the chills are done then my hear rate returns to normal, the palpitations reduce in number or become non existent, and then i am exhausted as though i had run several marathons.

it took all day before the chills hit, but i was relieved once they did.  later i found that the chills did not bring the relief i normally experienced and i found myself scared.  my blood pressure was shooting up so high my monitor would not register.  bad bad bad.  i had almost passed out in the shower which is not normal even with the icky kind of svt.  i was having sets of mini chills, almost like tremors after a big quake. 

in the back of my mind all i could keep thinking about was, what if.  what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if.

what if something else is wrong with my heart

what if this is some warning of an aortic aneurysm, it runs in the family

what if it is something i can't even imagine

what if that huge bump on my leg caused from running into a post on my daughters bed in july that is just now finally starting to go down has caused me to have another dvt, what if i have another p.e. 

what if these are signs of a heart attack, after all this is the 3rd time in two weeks now this has happened

what if the pains shooting up the side of my neck are a sign of an impending stroke like grandpa had

what if my time here is up

what if this is just my increased dose of thyroid meds

what if this is just stress, just too,too, too much stress.  how embarrassing would that be

what if it is another dvt/pe and you don't make the right call.  last time you made the right call at just the right time. 

what if you don't this time

what if you say this is just stress, it is just stress and its not

what if tomorrow you wake up dead. 

what if God has decided you have not been worthy of Him saving your life 7 years ago and now time is up.

what if

what if

what if

what if

what if

several times throughout the day my hubby called.  he called to say hi and that he loved me, he called to tell me he was staying over for a bit at work.  he called again to say he was still at work....13 hours now.  he called to let me know he was leaving, at 10:30.  he was due off at 3:30.

he said he was coming home, taking a shower, eating a bowl of cereal and going to bed

he said he had to be back at 8:00 the next day.

i had not mentioned what had been going on all day to him

we needed the overtime pay

i was sure i was going to be fine

what if

what if i wasn't

what if i should have gone to the e.r. earlier

what if i just try to make it through until tomorrow afternoon.

what if it is too late

while my hubby was driving home i got up and went to the bathroom and my hands looked almost blue.

that was enough for me

as soon as my hubby got home we headed off to the hospital.

after i was settled in my room the iv line was in and blood taken. 

i was hooked up to monitors

i was scared

my poor sweet hubby was trying hard to sleep in a very uncomfortable chair.

our daughter and i texted back and forth a few times

i thought how i wish i could get up and sit in the chair and give my hubby the bed

a chest xray was taken.  i later found out i have a 100 degree temperature.  i did not feel 'sick' so that came as a surprise

my bad ear that usually causes so many problems was doing fine so that was good news.

after a couple of hours i sent the hubs out to the waiting room to get comfortable and my oldest and youngest came in the room to keep me company.

before my hubby had left i told him for the nth time how sorry i was for this and he told me for the nth time so sweetly to stop saying that

i told him i felt stupid.  all of my stats were looking completely normal.

he said i felt safe here at the hospital.

he was so right.

this man who is about as deep as a puddle caused by an over due quick spring shower spoke from a depth that made so much sense.

i felt safe here. if i was at deaths door this was the best place to be. 

another hour later the doctor came to tell me the labs all looked great, but as a precaution i was sent for a cat scan just to make sure that nasty 'what if'  i had a dvt/pe was just a worry and not a fact.

relief washed over me again, until i realized i had to have the contrast.  that causes my heart rate to go up everytime.  i hate it.

ativan to the rescue.

what wonderful stuff.

i was able to relax during the cat scan and not worry when my heart rate increased from the contrast.

i did express concern that i had quite a full bladder and hoped that warm sensation caused by the contrast, which makes you feel like you have peed yourself, would not actually cause me to pee.

ah, no worries she said.

ativan to the rescue....no worries. oh well if i do.  i will go home in cognito under the sweat pants.

that ativan is good stuff.  did i mention?  they should serve it at parties instead of jello shots 

that recorded male voice was a little bossy i thought and giggled as he ordered me to 'stop breathing now'

as i had done what he demanded i began to feel like a fish out of water and just about the time i could not 'stop breathing now' any longer, old cranky pants in the cat scan machine said i could take a breath again.

i loved talking to the tech who ran the cat scan.  how much fun she was.

back to e.r. room number 5 i was wheeled to await the results.

good stuff that ativan.  i did not worry.  i knew at this point i had to just let go and let God as they say

an hour later the results were in and no p.e.

the e.r. doc, who was the nicest man on the planet, besides the hubs, and the most understanding man

and i talked and the most likely cause of my svt was stress and a 100 degree fever.  for every 1 degree of fever your heart rate goes up about 10 beats a minute he informed me.  my normal body temperature is 97.4.

so that could explain all of the extra ickiness added to the icky kind of svt attack.

i told him how stupid i felt for coming in.

he told me i had every right to come in because of my history and symptoms.

he was genuine

he said it with a smile that made me feel a lot less stupid.

i was sent home with a small prescription for xanax, just in case i feel i need it.  and orders not to take my metformin for my insulin resistance until tuesday.  it does something nasty, something that kind of kills you,  when you take it within so manyh days of having contrast injected into your body.  can't remember what.  ativan.

so here i am so thankful for all that i have

be it easy or hard at the moment

i am thankful

because i am alive and healthy

i am at home and not the hospital

(or 6 feet under)

i am thankful that i still have meaning and purpose here

i am thankful that my second chance is still ongoing

i am thankful that i am sitting here in the kitchen watching the chaos that happens with 2 chihuahuas that are excited to see their kitty friend brought into the kitchen after a bath to be dried off.

i am thankful that as all of this is going on and i am trying to finish this post that my youngest is telling me a story about what happened at school this week.

i am thankful.

now i am off to test drive a half of one of those xanax just to see if they are as wonderful as ativan.

just in case i ever have one of those days like yesterday again and need to take one. 

sleep tight.

o' january tree, o' january tree....

january has to be my least favorite month of the year.   if it were up to me i would remove it and all of its ugliness from the calendar and replace it with another april or may, or even october.  

everything is dead, the only color is grey, 97 shades of grey.  it is cold in january.  for the 3 months prior we had wonderful holidays, we had a beautiful display of color in october, november made us stop and think of all we were thankful for, and december holds all of the excitement, magic and anticipation of christmas day and makes you realize just how blessed we are.

several years ago i decided to divide up my expanding christmas decoration collection.  all things snowy were put aside to decorate for the month of january. 

nature and art

thursday while steph and i were back in my bedroom watching dvr, working on the computer and discussing plans for our soon to open new etsy shops steph noticed a falcon or hawk in our backyard. this is fairly common for us since our backyard has many trees that provide these large birds with proper cover and privacy to dine undisturbed.

most of the time it is a bunny, a robin. never before had i seen a near relative being on the menu as the main course. bright bold yellow tail feathers tipped in black, the belly grey with black pokey spots, it looked like the meal and diner were cousins.

when my hubby called from work i told him of our visitor and how i would love to have the yellow tail feathers tipped in black to incorporate into some collage art possibly.

today when my dear sweet hubby arrived home from work he sloshed through our horribly muddy-from-the-snow-melting backyard to retrieve the feathers for me because i so desired them and he so desires to make my wishes come true, i am truly a very lucky girl. while gathering them up i questioned from the door if there were any of the beautiful pokey spotted belly feathers left behind, to which he replied no. as he headed back to the door, hands full of what had once clothed a beautiful creature that was gifted with flight from God Himself, i grabbed a pie plate for him to place them in.





as i looked through the feathers i saw a lump and i quickly pulled back and told my husband he must has picked up a part of the meal along with the feathers. he picked up the mysterious lump and with a smile that read as pride he showed me the head of the former possessor of the beautiful feathers. i shivered, backed away and gagged. once over the gore of it all, and believe me it is g--r--o--s--s. horror movie gross, blech, i looked at him and exclaimed 'just like that artist who used bird heads in her reliquaries!' and my hubby said that is why i brought it to you.

months and months ago i showed my hubby a picture of a bird head in a reliquary and i found myself in awe with this piece of art. it was icky but beautiful at the same time. the bird head had been prepared by a taxidermist. i quickly thought out loud that maybe i could check with local taxidermists to see how much it would cost to have the head preserved....but that really is not in our budget at this exact moment and i am sure we need to work quickly. i decided the next best thing would be to have the skull of this bird. the hubs has a friend that prepares skulls, hoping monday we will know what to do. in the mean time the head is back in the backyard and the feathers are in a baggie in the freezer just in case there are any mites. the freezer with kill them.

i recorded part of the incident on my camera. one moment i find myself saddened and the loss of life and thankful that when i purchase meat it has been prepared for me and wrapped up and packaged neatly and that i do not have to pluck and pick.....i would become a vegetarian if i had to do it myself. another moment i found i could not stop watching this beautiful bird of prey doing what it needs to do to survive. like when you are watching a documentary and you are rooting for the gazelle that is running from the lion, mad at the lion when she catches the poor gazelle and then forgiving the lion once you see her bringing her catch to feed her babies. the cycle of life and death, survival, amazes me. being an observer is just as facinating at a participant in life. people watching at the mall or shopping at the mall, not sure which is my favorite.

as soon as i have created art using what my sweet, sweet guy brought to me i will post it here.



ok, so just a warning for the not so nature embracing folk that may wander here, there is no blood or gore but this video does show a bird of prey preparing its meal.


ine

it ain't easy being green

my wifi is back.......

sunday night sometime my oh-so-magical box that brings me wifi (pronounced whiffeeee) pooped out.

i was very thankful for my cell phone that kept me connected to facebook, and many thanks to the sprint dude, who kept me in contact with my charter email by having a copy sent to my cell.

  now thanks to my technology savy daughter blogger is now connected to my cell.

  guess i should also throw a thanks so much to the so sweet and helpful charter guy for bringing me a new oh-so-magical box that gives me wifi!

this evening i snapped a few photos of our january tree and decorations to play show-n-tell and realized i never posted christmas pictures. 

i am off to turn a bowl full of cookie dough into cookies for my wonderful hubby who stayed home today because he was not feeling well, but also to play knight-in-super-shiny-armour to keep me safe while the wifi repair guy was here.

ready for spring

ok, it has snowed.  every year i enter the season of winter kicking and screaming.   it is colder here than what it has been in 11 years.  i am done.

i have borrowed photos from my daughters file.  in protest of even acknowledging winter's presence i refused to step outside to snap my own photos.  my daughter loves this stuff. 

my youngest son could not wait until morning to play in the fluffy white stuff.  once we learned school was cancelled the party was on and at 1 in the morning he and his sister went out in front to celebrate.

at least he had the common sense to wear a jacket, shoes and gloves with his boxer shorts.

as a toddler we would catch him in the snow buck naked.

enough snow.  enough cold. 

i am ready for spring.

this arty girl is heading down to her woman cave to do some spring cleaning so she can make art to pass the time.

bert is not making it easy today to get any work done on the computer.  everytime i think have snuck off unnoticed by bert he finds me  he insists on napping in my arms.  with such a cute face who could say no.  i have become very good at typing one handed. 

meet our adopted baby boy

back in september i thought my old computer was finally fixed.  first thing i did was hit the blog to announce that we had adopted a baby boy that had been orphaned/abandoned. 

my plan was the next day to post pictures  so that everyone could meet him.

unfortunately my computer pooped out later that night and over the next couple of weeks i had spurts of internet connection but never enough to post pictures of our new boy.

my dear sweet hubby gave me a new laptop for christmas and once i was all hooked up i found that many  well wishers had written to congratulate us.

bert, the story behind is name is a long one, was found by the parents of a man my husband works with on their farm.   a friend of the family planned to kill bert assuming that he was abandoned  probably because the mother sensed there was something wrong.  the mother of my husbands co-worker took the baby in and began caring for him but when she found we had been wanting to adopt she was more that happy to let us take on the care of bert. 

bert is one of the sweetest babies, but he is also quite a handful at times.  but so worth it. 

meet bert;