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Friday, August 26, 2011
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
in just a split second.....
at the end of this post you will understand the title.....
my 'morning' started off stepping in cat puke.
cold, wet, and squishy. and puke causes my gag reflex to react so severely it can hurt...
my morning vertigo was in full swing, and normally if it is just that, morning vertigo, within an hour or two it eases up. good thing i thought...i have got a to-do list a mile long and i will be doing it by myself since my daughter started her new job today.
i quickly discovered i was in a full blow meniere's vertigo attack, and my vertigo is getting much more intense. in addition to the sense of feeling like i am walking in one of those bouncy houses or castles that are at kids birthday parties and feeling like i am spinning, i drop things, can't swallow or choke, can't concentrate and feel like i am not in my body and not in control of my body.
i give myself 5 minutes. just 5. to cry on the rough days. most days i don't shed a tear. when i do have one of those days maybe 30 seconds of my 5 minute alotment are used.
today for the first time in a very, very long time i became very angry. i have so much to do, and now more than ever i really really need every minute of every day to get work done for our etsy shop.
with the hubby in the shower i went into the kitchen, in hopes that if i just pushed hard enough and made myself concentrate and just took it slow i would be able to conquer my long list of stuff to be done. i soon found myself stuck unable to make it from the fridge to the kitchen table just a few steps away to sit down. i had to wait for my hubby and hope my legs did not give out.
once the hubby was out of the shower and found me in the kitchen i let the dam burst and i cried for about 4 1/2 of my 5 minutes....then crawled back in bed and cried again. i was so angry and frustrated. this upset me more...normally anger is not what i feel during these attacks.
i don't get angry because i am thankful i am alive, i am at some point going to be steadier and less spinny...even though i know my future may bring deafness as a result of this disease, or as a result of surgery to cut the nerves that are damaged that cause the vertigo attacks.
i am thankful i do not have a worse disease.
i have had people tell me when i have been having a rough day...'well at least you don't live in japan...now they have it bad right now' or 'well at least you will live through this, some people are dying from their disease' or 'well at least you don't live in one of those countries where there is war'......ok folks yes, at least i don't have all of those things and yes i am grateful......but some days 'this' gets hard...you try it for a day. somedays i think i deserve a pity party and a big one at that...because most days i laugh it all off...we make jokes about my unsteadiness and i laugh, really laugh....but sometimes i am just so sick of it all. unless you live with this disease you just don't get that it is not like the fun you experience when spinning in an office chair.
ok....this arty girl feels so much better now. that felt good.
my spinny days have lots of levels. on days like today where i was grounded in bed i have days i can still do something. work on a fiber necklace, or on a smaller loom. then there are the days where i can't focus my eyes and work my hands and i am left laying in a ball on the bed, and if i can watch tv i have to watch it sideways. i can't stand noise though, and sometimes i am temporarily deaf in one or both ears...but i need noise to drown out the ringing in my ears, which is a symphony of bangs, booms, hisses, roars....
this is how i spent my afternoon...curled up in a ball, deaf mostly in my right ear, deaf off and on in my left, unable to do anything but lay there...
a few hours later i was doing a bit better, but normally i would have stayed in bed where i belonged but i pushed myself to get some work done while the hubby was outside working on our still broken truck.
by earlier this evening i was able to get on the computer and begin adding more stuff to the etsy shop, but still spinny to the point that walking was still a hazard, and even just looking up at the tv and down at the computer would cause me to fall over.
at 9:16 while watching raising hope and adding a necklace to my etsy shop our power went out.
it has been getting warmer again over the last few days, but we have had way hotter days and never even thankfully had a flicker in the power.
after 23 years of living here there have been many accidents and our power station or box has been hit causing us to lose power, and within minutes we heard the sirens and new that is what had happened.
steph and max ventured out to see what and where the accident was and a bit later steph called crying.
in all the years that these types of accidents have happened just yards from our home, i always wondered if someone had lost their life, and thankfully, up until tonight, no one had.
a young man on a motorcycle was going very very fast and hit a curb and he and his bike flew in the air and hit a power line and then landed 50 - 100 feet in to someone's yard. his bike went a bit further.
when steph and max arrived they were trying to give him cpr, and were unsuccessful.
by the time i had made my way, he was gone. alone. in a grassy patch of side yard under a sheet. and nameless since they could not find i.d. on him. but at some point a mom, who is going about her business is going to get a call no mom should ever have to get. someone's baby is gone. someone's little boy is laying there all by his self with no one there. and my heart aches for them.
in just a split second my anger at my disease left.
in just a split second a young man taking a joyride lost his life.
in just a split second a parent's, family's, and friends lives will change with news of this loss of life.
i am hoping this young man's death will save another persons life....because i am hoping now my youngest son really gets it. he is a good kid, a wonderful boy, a kind loving spirited boy that thinks i worry too much. that was angry with me when i grounded him from going back to his buddy's farm for possibly ever once i found out they were riding 4 wheelers at over 70 miles per hour.
we sat down and talked about it, and seeing that young man's battered body laying just yards from him, and witnessing his death i hope really made it all hit home with my son.
he says it did. the look on my son's face while we talked about says it did. because in a split second it can all change.
so, to the young man who lost his life may God hold you His arms and give your family the strength to make it through the seconds, minutes, days, weeks, months and years to come.....without you there with them because of a choice you made that took a split second.
my 'morning' started off stepping in cat puke.
cold, wet, and squishy. and puke causes my gag reflex to react so severely it can hurt...
my morning vertigo was in full swing, and normally if it is just that, morning vertigo, within an hour or two it eases up. good thing i thought...i have got a to-do list a mile long and i will be doing it by myself since my daughter started her new job today.
i quickly discovered i was in a full blow meniere's vertigo attack, and my vertigo is getting much more intense. in addition to the sense of feeling like i am walking in one of those bouncy houses or castles that are at kids birthday parties and feeling like i am spinning, i drop things, can't swallow or choke, can't concentrate and feel like i am not in my body and not in control of my body.
i give myself 5 minutes. just 5. to cry on the rough days. most days i don't shed a tear. when i do have one of those days maybe 30 seconds of my 5 minute alotment are used.
today for the first time in a very, very long time i became very angry. i have so much to do, and now more than ever i really really need every minute of every day to get work done for our etsy shop.
with the hubby in the shower i went into the kitchen, in hopes that if i just pushed hard enough and made myself concentrate and just took it slow i would be able to conquer my long list of stuff to be done. i soon found myself stuck unable to make it from the fridge to the kitchen table just a few steps away to sit down. i had to wait for my hubby and hope my legs did not give out.
once the hubby was out of the shower and found me in the kitchen i let the dam burst and i cried for about 4 1/2 of my 5 minutes....then crawled back in bed and cried again. i was so angry and frustrated. this upset me more...normally anger is not what i feel during these attacks.
i don't get angry because i am thankful i am alive, i am at some point going to be steadier and less spinny...even though i know my future may bring deafness as a result of this disease, or as a result of surgery to cut the nerves that are damaged that cause the vertigo attacks.
i am thankful i do not have a worse disease.
i have had people tell me when i have been having a rough day...'well at least you don't live in japan...now they have it bad right now' or 'well at least you will live through this, some people are dying from their disease' or 'well at least you don't live in one of those countries where there is war'......ok folks yes, at least i don't have all of those things and yes i am grateful......but some days 'this' gets hard...you try it for a day. somedays i think i deserve a pity party and a big one at that...because most days i laugh it all off...we make jokes about my unsteadiness and i laugh, really laugh....but sometimes i am just so sick of it all. unless you live with this disease you just don't get that it is not like the fun you experience when spinning in an office chair.
ok....this arty girl feels so much better now. that felt good.
my spinny days have lots of levels. on days like today where i was grounded in bed i have days i can still do something. work on a fiber necklace, or on a smaller loom. then there are the days where i can't focus my eyes and work my hands and i am left laying in a ball on the bed, and if i can watch tv i have to watch it sideways. i can't stand noise though, and sometimes i am temporarily deaf in one or both ears...but i need noise to drown out the ringing in my ears, which is a symphony of bangs, booms, hisses, roars....
this is how i spent my afternoon...curled up in a ball, deaf mostly in my right ear, deaf off and on in my left, unable to do anything but lay there...
a few hours later i was doing a bit better, but normally i would have stayed in bed where i belonged but i pushed myself to get some work done while the hubby was outside working on our still broken truck.
by earlier this evening i was able to get on the computer and begin adding more stuff to the etsy shop, but still spinny to the point that walking was still a hazard, and even just looking up at the tv and down at the computer would cause me to fall over.
at 9:16 while watching raising hope and adding a necklace to my etsy shop our power went out.
it has been getting warmer again over the last few days, but we have had way hotter days and never even thankfully had a flicker in the power.
after 23 years of living here there have been many accidents and our power station or box has been hit causing us to lose power, and within minutes we heard the sirens and new that is what had happened.
steph and max ventured out to see what and where the accident was and a bit later steph called crying.
in all the years that these types of accidents have happened just yards from our home, i always wondered if someone had lost their life, and thankfully, up until tonight, no one had.
a young man on a motorcycle was going very very fast and hit a curb and he and his bike flew in the air and hit a power line and then landed 50 - 100 feet in to someone's yard. his bike went a bit further.
when steph and max arrived they were trying to give him cpr, and were unsuccessful.
by the time i had made my way, he was gone. alone. in a grassy patch of side yard under a sheet. and nameless since they could not find i.d. on him. but at some point a mom, who is going about her business is going to get a call no mom should ever have to get. someone's baby is gone. someone's little boy is laying there all by his self with no one there. and my heart aches for them.
in just a split second my anger at my disease left.
in just a split second a young man taking a joyride lost his life.
in just a split second a parent's, family's, and friends lives will change with news of this loss of life.
i am hoping this young man's death will save another persons life....because i am hoping now my youngest son really gets it. he is a good kid, a wonderful boy, a kind loving spirited boy that thinks i worry too much. that was angry with me when i grounded him from going back to his buddy's farm for possibly ever once i found out they were riding 4 wheelers at over 70 miles per hour.
we sat down and talked about it, and seeing that young man's battered body laying just yards from him, and witnessing his death i hope really made it all hit home with my son.
he says it did. the look on my son's face while we talked about says it did. because in a split second it can all change.
so, to the young man who lost his life may God hold you His arms and give your family the strength to make it through the seconds, minutes, days, weeks, months and years to come.....without you there with them because of a choice you made that took a split second.
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
too tired to title this post....
this arty girl is one pooped puppy.
days on end of going...going...going until i drop.
i am so very grateful the beast (vertigo) has been fairly well behaved for the last several days. it is still there with every step, but thankfully i have been able to run at a fairly good pace.
we have almost all of the scarves unbanded, tied, and stitched...which is way more work than putting it all in and we are getting ready to wash the first few batches. i can't wait for you to see what they look like. we had a couple turn out kind of pukey looking, but lots of neat ones...it is so hard to not keep them all.
i have been trying to think ahead to future projects and gathering bits of fabric here and there to dye, especially since we are up to eyeballs it seems in dye.
yesterday i took lots of photos and added about 13 new items to the shop, i have lots more to add and planning for that to happen tomorrow...uh....later today. i think the skeetos managed to find just about every nook and cranny they could to snack on me while outside messing with dye and taking those photos, and the yard work i did today.
my legs look diseased from all the red bumpy spots from the skeeto bites. this spinny girl thought she would take advantage of being able to bend over and not fall on her face and shave her legs in the shower....sorry if that is a tmi.....shaving my legs can be a luxury with vertigo. one look at the sea of spots and i thought that is a disaster, and one of those flesh eating infections waiting to happen...running a series of sharp blades up and over these bumps and lumps. oh well, people will notice the varicose veins and bug bites before the hair i am sure...*snort* besides maybe my porcupine-y like leg hairs will impail the nasty little boogers when they land on me tomorrow while i am outside!
finally got the hubs to put about 50 nails in the top support board of our privacy fence after of week of honey when you a chance could you.....and before 5 when the crabby nosey neighbor on the other side is awake. i learned that them there is fightin' words to a man....lordy....i can not tell you how many times i prayed that our crabby nosey neighbor did not hear the racket. i am a plan ahead do ahead kinda person...he is a when i need it i will do it fly by the seat of his pants kinda guy and it is partly why i married him and partly why i could just.....ugh it drives me crazy sometimes! hopefully in about a week you will see the reason for the nails. one of those things i miss being able to do myself...the vertigo messes with my sense of where i am in the world, and well...i would kinda like to keep my thumbs and fingers functional for the arty stuff.
so...i am usually a more visual show n tell girl and not so chatty. maybe it is mosquito venom making me chatty...*snort*. ok. so that was probably funnier in my head.
so i will share some photos and then i am off to try to go to sleep.
just a wee bit of the photos i took yesterday....you will have to pop on over to the etsy shop and see a few more of the goodies.
another heart rock Max found for me yesterday to add to my collection.
nighty night all....smooches.
days on end of going...going...going until i drop.
i am so very grateful the beast (vertigo) has been fairly well behaved for the last several days. it is still there with every step, but thankfully i have been able to run at a fairly good pace.
we have almost all of the scarves unbanded, tied, and stitched...which is way more work than putting it all in and we are getting ready to wash the first few batches. i can't wait for you to see what they look like. we had a couple turn out kind of pukey looking, but lots of neat ones...it is so hard to not keep them all.
i have been trying to think ahead to future projects and gathering bits of fabric here and there to dye, especially since we are up to eyeballs it seems in dye.
yesterday i took lots of photos and added about 13 new items to the shop, i have lots more to add and planning for that to happen tomorrow...uh....later today. i think the skeetos managed to find just about every nook and cranny they could to snack on me while outside messing with dye and taking those photos, and the yard work i did today.
my legs look diseased from all the red bumpy spots from the skeeto bites. this spinny girl thought she would take advantage of being able to bend over and not fall on her face and shave her legs in the shower....sorry if that is a tmi.....shaving my legs can be a luxury with vertigo. one look at the sea of spots and i thought that is a disaster, and one of those flesh eating infections waiting to happen...running a series of sharp blades up and over these bumps and lumps. oh well, people will notice the varicose veins and bug bites before the hair i am sure...*snort* besides maybe my porcupine-y like leg hairs will impail the nasty little boogers when they land on me tomorrow while i am outside!
finally got the hubs to put about 50 nails in the top support board of our privacy fence after of week of honey when you a chance could you.....and before 5 when the crabby nosey neighbor on the other side is awake. i learned that them there is fightin' words to a man....lordy....i can not tell you how many times i prayed that our crabby nosey neighbor did not hear the racket. i am a plan ahead do ahead kinda person...he is a when i need it i will do it fly by the seat of his pants kinda guy and it is partly why i married him and partly why i could just.....ugh it drives me crazy sometimes! hopefully in about a week you will see the reason for the nails. one of those things i miss being able to do myself...the vertigo messes with my sense of where i am in the world, and well...i would kinda like to keep my thumbs and fingers functional for the arty stuff.
so...i am usually a more visual show n tell girl and not so chatty. maybe it is mosquito venom making me chatty...*snort*. ok. so that was probably funnier in my head.
so i will share some photos and then i am off to try to go to sleep.
just a wee bit of the photos i took yesterday....you will have to pop on over to the etsy shop and see a few more of the goodies.
another heart rock Max found for me yesterday to add to my collection.
nighty night all....smooches.
Saturday, August 20, 2011
what it was is not what it will be
i have been a busy busy girl. i have neglected my blog once again. i feel guilty.
i need to get back in the habit of making a visit here nightly. i was just getting good at it when life made a turn i was not expecting, and since i have no idea when we will have a sense of 'normalcy', as much as i do not care to be normal, i just need to adjust my big girl undies and carry on.
i have decided to make a change in direction with my jewelry. i will still make semi-precious items again when the need or fancy may strike, but i am following my heart's desire. found object jewelry. a long lost love of mine.
i am gathering all things not the norm for most in jewelry making.
on a recent trip to goodwill i found these
we can't figure out what they were...but now they will be a part of a necklace. i will give them a bit of patina to give them a nice aged look.
in my hurry to photograph them i apparently did not notice the frosted flake left behind on the table...and you might not have either if i would not have pointed it out, now that i see the photo here on the blog!
a very old chair that i picked up years ago at an estate sale finally just could not be forced to remain chair like any longer no matter how many nails or how much glue was used. things just don't get thrown away here if they are old and crusty....the older and crustier the better.
soooo....i pointed out to the hubs just what was to stay and what was to go. once disassembled, come to think of it, i don't think any of it made it to the dumpster.
these, screwed on the back and the seat of the chair.....
will now be part of a necklace.
growing up i wanted to be a scientist, anthropologist, archaeologist. i had learning disabilities that were not diagnosed as a child, so by the time i was ready to go out in the world this arty girl was convinced that everyone was right. i must have been lazy and stupid and i must not care about anyone but myself.
had i understood what was going on i would have figured out 'how to' learn and pursued something in the science field. i love old stuff. i love holding something in my hand that someone else used decades or centuries before my time. who were these people, what were they like, what kind of life did they have. the wonder of it all.
i love the look and feel.
i love all things worn, torn, aged, used.
if it was glued back together that is even better. it means that thing meant so much to someone that they kept it, even broken.
that is the direction my jewelry will be going. for now. we will see what happens.
right now i have so much going on and am running in many different directions at the same time. even on the days the beast (my meniere's and positional vertigo) is acting naughty. i don't have the luxury any longer of being able to 'take it easy' on the days i am even the slightest bit functional....but i have to say i feel a bit excited about it all....i feel like i am becoming the me i lost awhile back in some weird way.
i am exhausted beyond words. i fall asleep if i am lucky around 3:30 or 4:30. i get the boys up at 5:45 and stay up long enough to make sure they are up and not going to go back to sleep. by 7 usually i am out again and then usually the phone will ring one, two, or ten times and then i am up for good a few hours later.
steph and i are finally getting to tie dye scarves. one of our biggest sellers. we have somewhere around 50 - 70 of them in the works now.
it is only our second year tie dyeing, and thinking back to doing this camp/school/scout childhood activity, you think no biggie.....but boy-oh-boy is it a biggie.
steph and i are learning so much.
what makes the best patterns.
what colors go together, and most importantly which ones do not!
what works best as a resist, what does not.
we have tried 2 new methods of shibori and we are going to try an alternative to wax resist tomorrow.
just as the weather broke and the temps were tolerable we dove in hands first
today my hands and nails are stained in the blue/purple/green/black colors. when we went out to do running yesterday i color coordinated my outfit and jewelry to match my hands!
the temps have been cooler, but it has now been raining off and on. so the buckets are covered and we run out in between bouts of rain, and in the case today during the rain to move stuff from one color to another, to take one piece out and add a new piece in. on the up side, the rain is free rinsing water for the pieces that are completed and ready to go in to the wash.
when most of the world is sleeping steph and i are running outside with a flashlight tucked under one arm checking the fabric in buckets.
here is a peek at pre-dyed wrapped and readied fabric
can you guess what is wrapped up in this fabric to make it look like bubbles? it is one of the shibori methods we used.
this design we found out is not a good idea.
these pieces have been woven on a loom first and will be cuff bracelets.
this section is a method of shibori and was stitched and gathered with string. lots of work..boring boring boring, but so worth it in the end.
another alternative to using rubber bands. binding with string makes some pretty neat patterns.
i can not wait to show you the finished pieces. this year i decided to keep one for myself! it is hard not to keep them all.
after ordering a loom from a fellow etsy seller and loving what i could do with it, i had the hubby make steph and i some additional looms in larger sizes. i think we ended up with 4 looms a piece.
i loomed my first cross body bag, and i can not wait to do more to put on the etsy shop.
one of the looms the hubby made is nearly 8 feet long and will be used to make scarves. i have not had a chance to try that one out yet and can not wait.
there is so much more to say, but it is time to go check the buckets to make sure i don't over cook some fabric in the dye.
ok...one more thing....the full moon may have kept us from seeing the latest meteor shower, but it gave me a chance to snap this photo...i am kinda thinking it makes up for it, for the most part.
nighty night all.....talk to you soon. mwah!
i need to get back in the habit of making a visit here nightly. i was just getting good at it when life made a turn i was not expecting, and since i have no idea when we will have a sense of 'normalcy', as much as i do not care to be normal, i just need to adjust my big girl undies and carry on.
i have decided to make a change in direction with my jewelry. i will still make semi-precious items again when the need or fancy may strike, but i am following my heart's desire. found object jewelry. a long lost love of mine.
i am gathering all things not the norm for most in jewelry making.
on a recent trip to goodwill i found these
we can't figure out what they were...but now they will be a part of a necklace. i will give them a bit of patina to give them a nice aged look.
in my hurry to photograph them i apparently did not notice the frosted flake left behind on the table...and you might not have either if i would not have pointed it out, now that i see the photo here on the blog!
a very old chair that i picked up years ago at an estate sale finally just could not be forced to remain chair like any longer no matter how many nails or how much glue was used. things just don't get thrown away here if they are old and crusty....the older and crustier the better.
soooo....i pointed out to the hubs just what was to stay and what was to go. once disassembled, come to think of it, i don't think any of it made it to the dumpster.
these, screwed on the back and the seat of the chair.....
will now be part of a necklace.
growing up i wanted to be a scientist, anthropologist, archaeologist. i had learning disabilities that were not diagnosed as a child, so by the time i was ready to go out in the world this arty girl was convinced that everyone was right. i must have been lazy and stupid and i must not care about anyone but myself.
had i understood what was going on i would have figured out 'how to' learn and pursued something in the science field. i love old stuff. i love holding something in my hand that someone else used decades or centuries before my time. who were these people, what were they like, what kind of life did they have. the wonder of it all.
i love the look and feel.
i love all things worn, torn, aged, used.
if it was glued back together that is even better. it means that thing meant so much to someone that they kept it, even broken.
that is the direction my jewelry will be going. for now. we will see what happens.
right now i have so much going on and am running in many different directions at the same time. even on the days the beast (my meniere's and positional vertigo) is acting naughty. i don't have the luxury any longer of being able to 'take it easy' on the days i am even the slightest bit functional....but i have to say i feel a bit excited about it all....i feel like i am becoming the me i lost awhile back in some weird way.
i am exhausted beyond words. i fall asleep if i am lucky around 3:30 or 4:30. i get the boys up at 5:45 and stay up long enough to make sure they are up and not going to go back to sleep. by 7 usually i am out again and then usually the phone will ring one, two, or ten times and then i am up for good a few hours later.
steph and i are finally getting to tie dye scarves. one of our biggest sellers. we have somewhere around 50 - 70 of them in the works now.
it is only our second year tie dyeing, and thinking back to doing this camp/school/scout childhood activity, you think no biggie.....but boy-oh-boy is it a biggie.
steph and i are learning so much.
what makes the best patterns.
what colors go together, and most importantly which ones do not!
what works best as a resist, what does not.
we have tried 2 new methods of shibori and we are going to try an alternative to wax resist tomorrow.
just as the weather broke and the temps were tolerable we dove in hands first
today my hands and nails are stained in the blue/purple/green/black colors. when we went out to do running yesterday i color coordinated my outfit and jewelry to match my hands!
the temps have been cooler, but it has now been raining off and on. so the buckets are covered and we run out in between bouts of rain, and in the case today during the rain to move stuff from one color to another, to take one piece out and add a new piece in. on the up side, the rain is free rinsing water for the pieces that are completed and ready to go in to the wash.
when most of the world is sleeping steph and i are running outside with a flashlight tucked under one arm checking the fabric in buckets.
here is a peek at pre-dyed wrapped and readied fabric
another alternative to using rubber bands. binding with string makes some pretty neat patterns.
i can not wait to show you the finished pieces. this year i decided to keep one for myself! it is hard not to keep them all.
after ordering a loom from a fellow etsy seller and loving what i could do with it, i had the hubby make steph and i some additional looms in larger sizes. i think we ended up with 4 looms a piece.
i loomed my first cross body bag, and i can not wait to do more to put on the etsy shop.
one of the looms the hubby made is nearly 8 feet long and will be used to make scarves. i have not had a chance to try that one out yet and can not wait.
there is so much more to say, but it is time to go check the buckets to make sure i don't over cook some fabric in the dye.
ok...one more thing....the full moon may have kept us from seeing the latest meteor shower, but it gave me a chance to snap this photo...i am kinda thinking it makes up for it, for the most part.
nighty night all.....talk to you soon. mwah!
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